Friday, June 10, 2011

Deleting my Dad :( :( :(

As I did when my mother died, I chose to sit shiva at home when my father died last Saturday rather than going to Israel, not only because I can't speak Hebrew well enough to be comforted in it, but also because our sister is not well enough to "host" her own shiva. She was able to join me on Monday.

In both instances, I missed the finality of throwing dirt on my parents' coffins.

When my mother died, reality "hit" when I was waiting outside the sanctuary to be invited in after L'cha Dodi with the traditional "May The Place comfort you . . . "

When my father died, reality "hit" the first time I said Birkat HaMazon/Grace after Meals following his death and realized that I couldn't pray for a blessing for Avi Mori, My Father, My Teacher, anymore.

And deleting my father's name from my cholim/mi-sheh-berach list, the list of ill family and friends for whom I pray during the weekday Amidah prayer and at Torah readings, wasn't any easier than deleting my mother's name had been. :(


Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is very much those changes in habit that making the realities of our losses so much more real and personal to us.

Wishing you and your family comfort during this season.


Fri Jun 10, 11:42:00 AM 2011  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

Thanks, Kathy. Indeed, this kind of change in habit can be tough to get used to.

Fri Jun 10, 11:52:00 AM 2011  
Anonymous rivkayael said...

Someone I had worked with (and had a very positive interaction with) passed away from a sudden illness about 3 years ago. I still cannot bring myself to erase her email from my address book and I still want to give divrei torah in honour of her memory. I still miss her when her name pops up in my email program's auto-correct function.

While I have accepted her death, I am grateful that we all had her to remember and I am grateful that I got to know her. Yehi zichronam baruch. (may their memories be for a blessing)

Fri Jun 10, 11:55:00 AM 2011  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...


Fri Jun 10, 11:59:00 AM 2011  
Blogger Miami Al said...

Someone I remotely knew socially passed away a few years ago, we were Facebook friends. A slew of condolence messages flew across my screen, I didn't want to defriend at the time, and left it. On her birthday, it's a bit weird to get a birthday notice, and even weirder to see pictures of her family and friends tagging them in pictures at the cross they put up along the highway, things like that. In the digital age, it's very surreal how people can live on and serve as reminders.

Fri Jun 10, 12:05:00 PM 2011  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

I haven't quite advanced to the Facebook age, but I imagine that occurrences like that take some getting used to.

Fri Jun 10, 01:02:00 PM 2011  
Anonymous shoshana (bershad) said...

Shira, I'm very sorry for your loss.

For me, even after 15 years, I still have the urge to pick up the phone and call my mother when there's something interesting to report. And I can't delete names from my old address book, either.

Fri Jun 10, 03:34:00 PM 2011  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

Thank you for your kind words, Shoshana. It isn't easy.

Fri Jun 10, 03:43:00 PM 2011  
Blogger Talia bat Pessi said...

So sorry, Shira. I lost my grandmother a few years ago and it was difficult for all of us. May you be comforted among the mourners of Zion.

Fri Jun 10, 05:05:00 PM 2011  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

Talia, thank you for your kind thoughts. Losing a loved one is always difficult.

Fri Jun 10, 05:31:00 PM 2011  
Anonymous Woodrow/Conservadox said...

May you be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Thu Jun 16, 12:01:00 AM 2011  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

Woodrow, thank you for your kind words.

Thu Jun 16, 12:00:00 PM 2011  

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